I want to thank everyone so much for the thoughts, prayers and love that has been sent our way.  It has been a very tender couple of days and everyone has been so considerate of our family at this time.  Brent was more than my husband – he was my rock, my best friend, an amazing father and an unfailing source of strength for all who knew him.  Funeral services will be held this Saturday, January 4th at 10:00 am at the LDS church located at 2559 E. Combs Rd. in San Tan Valley, AZ.  A viewing will be held also that morning from 8:30 to 9:45 at the same location.

I realize that it has been nearly three months since I’ve posted anything. What I can tell you in a nutshell is that the past three months have felt like the longest three months of my life and yet I can’t believe how fast it has flown by.  How is that possible?

We welcomed our son, Brendon, home from boot camp in October.  He was able to get extended family leave and so he is still home with us as of today.  He leaves this Wednesday, however, to report back in San Diego for combat training.  Our oldest son, David, was supposed to leave for his mission on October 2nd, however we didn’t receive the final authorization from the military in time so his departure date was moved to December 27th.  We are so grateful to have him here with us as well.  The day to day business of life continues to move forward although it feels like so much is still on hold.  Especially for my oldest boys, I sense a need to move on and a desire to stay here and be helpful.  It breaks my heart that they have these difficult choices to make but I am so pleased with what they have done in an effort to spend more time with their dad.  I had a conversation with David the other day while I was chopping some onions for our dinner.  He began talking about leaving for his mission.  We all thought we would be together when Brent passes away, but as the date approaches the realization is setting in that he may not be here – and being in another country for at least six weeks, he will not be able to come home if anything happens during that time.  So we talked about how special and important it will be for Brent to see his son leave for his mission and what a gift that will be for him.  I could see a confidence arise in David that he was doing the right thing by going.  I could picture in my mind’s eye the pleased look on Brent’s face as David sets out to serve others.  As tears filled my eyes, David asked me if I was okay.  I told him I was fine and that it was just the onions – but the look in his eyes told me that he knew better than that.

Last week, Brent spent another five days in the hospice care unit for pain control.  It is so hard to see him in so much pain.  He was able to come home for Thanksgiving, but I will say that his anxiety is getting worse by the day.  His nurse is absolutely amazing and assures us that the anxiety is a natural part of the dying process.  Even so, it is difficult for him to endure.  They were able to deliver a hospital bed this weekend so he seems to be getting better rest and for that I am truly grateful.  We try to keep things as quiet and calm as possible (not easily done with six children!) so that he doesn’t get overly excited or anxious.  He can take visitors, but only minimally and for short periods of time.  It is all just very overwhelming for him.  And still…last night as we said prayer together he prayed that he could be a good husband and father during this time.  I didn’t have any onions to blame, but I let the tears flow anyway when he said that.  He is truly an incredible man and I am humbled every day just being a part of his life.

My mom and I were having a conversation the other day about the many people who are praying for us.  There are people literally all around the world praying for our family.  I’m convinced that each prayer that is offered has an exponent attached to it so that when it gets to heaven it is multiplied over and over again.  Each day we feel divinely attended and it gets us through.  People ask all the time what they can do for us – and the truth is that I have no idea.  Love us…pray for us…forgive us…that’s pretty much it.  And for that – we thank you!